


I Want To Believe

by LikeWaterisWet



Category: youtube - Fandom
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Suicide Attempt, sorry - Freeform, wow this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:45:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9528449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LikeWaterisWet/pseuds/LikeWaterisWet
Summary: Aka Ethan looked too comfortable holding a gun, angst fest. Yes it's short





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta read+ very short sorry

The cold feeling of the metal in my hands is a familiar one. The slow transition from biting cold to clammy and warm usually takes longer in the chill of night air. A bitter frost fills heart yet I focus on the words being yelled back and forth all around. Tears catch in the back of my throat so I scream louder breaking down into laughter when they rise up too far. It takes too many times for me to fight down any emotion and plaster on the persona I made for this video. Copper invades my tongue and brushes down my tastebuds. Gunpowder fills my nose and the tears finally break free from the tight grip I had on them. The tang of blood permeates all throughout the room invading any stability I had left. This is routine. The bitter smell calms my nerves and the cold metal in my hand centers my thoughts. Somewhere to the left I have old brown rags and a tube of antibiotic cream for when I give up and decide to finally go to sleep for the night. Somewhere in between the cotton floating around the room I dimly hear the bang of a door slamming. Cautiously I stroke the small chunk of metal resting in my palm. A burst of pain halts my tongue from it’s journey. Reaching up I remove the cold metal from my mouth and lay it back down on my lap. The metal wet with my spit stands out beautifully against the dark red splattered on my lap. My eyes unfocus on the glinting edge lost in the burning of my hip I don’t notice the footsteps walk through the hall before stopping in front of my door. More tears slip down my cheeks before mixing with the rest of the mess on my lap. My hair flops across my vision the blue startling me. Leaning my head down more I let it fall into the red staining my lap. Water fills my ears as my arms instinctively wrap around my waist. I think I hear someone talking outside my door but all I can focus on is the pulse in my hip that burns and shifts around every time I move. Everything starts to slip into darkness and panicked hands rush around my curled form, softly touching and unwinding me. Looking up all I see is a flash of brown before the blackness covers everything in a soft blanket.


End file.
